ruby tuesday

Feeling like absolute shit today. i was awaken by the neighbors music of the rolling stone's ruby tuesday on constant loop, i was convinced it was played to mock me. My whole self feels like its been subjected to an experiment on the limits of of the human body before achieving a self induce coma...the chain smoking, lack of sleep, alcohol, stress, the food binge then the lack of it is definitely taking its toll...to add to the barrage, the call at 4am, telling me that she was doing well after the operation, everything is going to be fine but that she can never forgive me for stopping to talk her...thats just perfect, you can now add overlying guilt to the equation.

Being the mid year and all, i checked my to-do list for 2008 and see if i can cross out something. out of the 10 things which includes among others: to do more yoga, to fly a kite and to stop being an asshole...i only accomplished one...learning to juggle..but only barely, if u can call making 6 throws and 6 catches before the whole act falls apart...my standards are that low

A client was on the phone the moment i arrived from the office-she kept on talking about our late deliveries and the letter of our request for rate increase...She seemed to get more irritated and annoyed every minute..i felt like she's going to turn into she hulk any time now. I, on the other line randomly responded using my deep vocabulary by acknowledging with "yes", "you're right" and "i get your point"--the whole phone conversation reminds me of one of those scenes in a mid 80s weekly tagalog afternoon tv drama wherein the spiritless actor is frustratingly ad-libbing his responses, on a measly attempt to pretend that there was an actual person on the phone prop.

During the 20 minute one sided discussion, I was already zoning out and daydreaming halfway thru it, of just lying in bed with a good book, completely relaxed, my body without a trace of nicotine and my neighbor with her speakers thrown out of the floor-thats what fantasies are for, they alow you to skip the degradation and head straight to an accomplished to do list.