digital love

900 pages of the handbook on tarrif and customs code for review is completely read, 95% of which is covered in yellow highlites...whats the use of highliting it if you are going to mark everything as relevant anyway...the past few days, it takes me 3 hours from the time i lie down to the state of slumber...my mind is in perpetual thought and overlying what-ifs...eyebags are now very evident...this stupid eyecream is no use...the post-its are now covering the right side of my cubicle...an official of the Bureau of Customs will get 1 to 10 years in prison if caught accepting bribes...in which idealistic reality?...my lunch consists of 2 garlic breads and 4 spoonfuls of pasta...its pathetic, the ratio of meal to side meal is not proportional...the idea of having 5 glasses of wine from last night would probably help me get some much needed sleep...tipsy and drowsy but still not happening...my next course of action should be melatonin...and then probably some pot...if that still doesnt work, im completely fucked...decided to bug my neighbor til 4am in the morning...she was half asleep and slurring during the last hour...my shoelaces have all been destroyed on the account of my cat...acting very catlike lately...not been doing yoga the past few days...coming up with every excuse not to go...maybe i should today...let me write that in my post it and stick it to the wall of things to recall...organized chaos is a bitch

young folks

I've been having the most vivid dreams the past few weeks, this was probably due to the lack of nicotine in my brain therefore clearing some space for all my unconsioucious frustrations and guilty pleasures. I had acheieved that pathetic state of looking forward to sleeping every night knowing that i'll experience what seems to be a hallugenic drug overdose of your choice.

Last week, i dreamt of being in a late 80's tagalog comedy flick. Im not sure which one, they all seem to follow the same formula. Poor guy courts rich girl..rich girl is also being courted by rich evil guy..rich girl gets charmed by the poor guy due to the fact he does a "harana" in the tune of either richard marx or michael learns to rock...evil guy gets pissed and proceeds to kidnap the girl. poor guy saves rich girl and beats up poor guy and his goons with his punches complete with delayed sound effects...and then the always entertaining beach scene

So my role in that particular scene was that of one of the backup dancers during the part where the actors suddenly break out into a song and dance number. I was wearing your typical cycling shorts with neon orange stripes on the side and was sporting a mullet for some reason. We were dancing to a rick astley track- i recalled this because roderick paulate was part of the cast in my dream and you cant dance to "together forver" without roderick paulate singing front and center. I was also approached by rita avilla at what point and told me he just broke off with jestoni, and then asked me if i can teach her the"roger rabbit dance move".

It was right after that part of the movie where one of the lead actors friends approaches what seems to be a pretty girl in a bright bathing suit with her back facing the camera, only for the former to find out that she is zorayda sanchez...that i woke up with the blaring ringing of my fone, i answered saying "let me sleep for 10 more minutes, im about to get lucky with rita avilla"

keep the car running

my thumb is already on defcom alert 4, the pain threshold on which you can barely make it functional. The cause of this injury?..too much playing space invaders extreme for the nintendo ds-its a remake of the old videogame classic you used to play on your atari-that of the "always worn out joystick and the adaptors electrical shock that never fails to get you when you plug the it at the end of your tv" fame-but now its more extreme... if they had put the letter Z in the end of the title like extremeZ, then it could have warned me earlier of its painful implications...just like the 90's pinoy guilty pleasure band of choice- the introvoyZ and people who say "yeZ" instead of yes- that underrated consonant warns you of the risk of experiencing too much of it has the potential of causing permanent injury.

The turtle asked me while waiting for our ride during our always extended lunch breaks, if i ever clean my bellybutton. I said of course i do, but not daily and not with a passion--i always had this fear of cotton budding that chasm until it unravels the innards of my belly and subsequently i would bleed to death..surpisingly, she had the same silly apprehensions. The whole conversation of bellybutton maintenance lasted for around 20 minutes-i told her of this fascinating technique of saving precious time in the morning...what you do is get 3 cotton buds and place it between your fingers, you then proceed to use each one for both of your ears and the topic in question-its multitasking in its finest- the old way of getting one cotton bud at at a time is so dated. She thought it was so crazy that it must work. The first thing i did when i got to my office is to google "death by cleaning of bellybutton", fortunately... there were no known cases of this fictional phemonenon. I should write to mythbusters and tell them i went ahead and busted it.

I had my cat spade last week, so i had to leave her at the vet for 3 days. When i finally came to get her, the poor thing was drowsingly lying down and looked liked she had undergone her own version of kitty hell- i was bearing with guilt the past few days while she was undergoing the operation and dreamt of the cat calling PETA to air her grievances and telling them that they file a criminal case against me(in the same dream i was found guilty and punished by eating her cat food). The moment i grabbed keizer-she looked at me then meowed as an appeal to pity..she then proceeded to stare at her veterinarian and started making cat noises on her, as if to convince me that i should have the vet spade as well. Keizer is fine now, judging by the way she is back to her usual shenanigans of tearing up toilet papers, destroying every shoelace and clawing her way to my shoulder ever chance she gets. I am now considering to change her name to keizerZ.

burning down the house

It was champs farewell party last night, and i had no idea what i was up for. There must be around a hundred different individuals cramped into my small place at one time or the other. It was a blessing in disguise that the body heat of all these people have made my living room a personal sauna, thus making the place- borderline intolerable to stay for more than 30 minutes. Other people we're smarter, they made way into my bedroom which the airconditioner was like an oasis in a desert.

He had rented this thing called "sober club" which is a service that comes with its own bar and bartenders and shotglasses with of a variety of alcoholic mixtures filled to the rim. The rows of different colored drinks we're a fascinating sight to behold(picture here) and the guests we're just gulping shot after shot after shot like it was crack. Naturally, a few of them were already completely drunk and making a fool of themselves even before midnight. Champ kept worrying about the disaster potential of my place after the party, i told him that whats important that we give you a proper sendoff and that everyone is enjoying themselves--but you have to clean up all apparent vomit afterwards...i don't do vomit

It was a revelation that this guy had so many friends, always thought that the poker quorum constitutes 90% of his posse. We were actually the minority, our common friends dissappeared into a mob of strangers. Most of which are his college friends, media people and a few who approached yoga rockstar mentioning her name and making small talk, only to tell me that she cant recall how she knows them--yoga and alcohol does damage to your memory center.

Our regular rockband group had created a small following of clueless fans after playing a few songs on the machine. Those clueless fans then started to turned against us- after getting tired of playing vicariously thru is for an hour or two, they inititally, asked nicely that they want to actually play the damn game and then when they felt that we aren’t easily going to give them the opportunity to be the crowd-drawers, they eventually grabbed our plastic instruments when we weren’t looking. So these posers started their attempt at imaginary rockstar glory...in the middle of their songs, someone playfully screamed "thats not how you sing that boston tune! the song is called 'more than a feeling' for a reason!"

Everyone had loads of fun nevertheless. Got to meet a lot of fascinating new people bringing with them interesting conversation. Carol brought her new british friend, who by the middle of the night has accumulated several groupies on the account of her accent-it came to a point that they were making her read out loud anything that they can grab to.

By the time the 2 boxes of pizza, 3 platters of coldcuts, 4 bottles of vodka, close to a thousand shots of mixed aloholic drinks and a a guest who slept thru the party because he got wasted way too early dissapeared , I asked champ if he enjoyed his party, he says he sure did despite being a little bummed that the people who he expects to be there, namely colleagues from his line of work. I say "fuck them" , these are the finer moments that you know who your true friends are and probably they're just extremely jealous that your going to be in a whole different level when you get to new york and eventually make it big there, most people in your industry seem to be pretentious assholes anyway.

Cheers champ, here's to the few of the all around nicest guys i've ever met...now clean up that vomit in the bathroom

S.O.S.

We finally got to see mamma mia, the movie that everyone with an ABBA guilty pleasure seems to be raving out. The plan was to watch it with the whole family and we couldnt be more excited that we're bringing my mom along for the ride. My mom is the ultimate ABBA fangirl. She worships at the vocal stylings and bellbottoms of bjorn, benny and agentha and anti-frid...I can still remember all the embarassing parties that we we were forced to perform at when we were kids using the worn out minus-one tape that my mom would always bring with her (minus one machine included)--I had "thank you for the music" as part of my solo act, my sister had it worse, she was assigned the unfortunate melodies of "chiquitita".

Circa 1980, we had that whole family movie weekly thing in full force, i can still vividly evoke thoughts of the old quad moviehouse, wherein the the theater price comes in 2 flavors-orchestra and balcony(it was actually 3, if you count Standing Room Only) or depending if u want to have a stiff neck either by staring at the screen upwards or downwards. Also there was something fascinating with old school extra laden transfat popcorn, the smell of which can be experienced all the way from the parking lot.

My dad used to have this peculiar habit of wanting to go in the theater 30 minutes after the movie starts...we then proceed to sit thru it, wait for the credits to roll, stay patiently inside the theater while the projectionist plays some music(it was usually something by kenny rogers or even worse-bread)while he waits for the first part of the reel to come in, watch the previews and then leave at the part of the flick that we initially gazed our eyes upon. As kids, it was an almost futile act of comprehension and problem solving.

After the movie, my mom was still hyped up and was singing and dancing to "waterloo" all the way to the parking lot while we all keep our distance fearing that people might think we're with that crazy woman. She told us that we should revive the weekly movie tradition again and that she misses us terribly. the ultimate abba fangirl then asked me to sing my opus with her--i thought about it, then i sang the first few lines..she then said "ok, stop it..you are trying to embarass me"

maps

Tonight was the quiz night at murphys, we had one week to accumulate an unwavering determination that we had to improve our pathethic 2nd to the last finish. The team didnt dissapoint

...we finished fucking 2nd place!!!

and the thing was-we almost had it, but as a team that comprises of 2 film majors, 3 lawyers, a chef and a gambling consultant-all in our late 20's-early 30's, was certainly no match against the winning team, which from our acute assessment was a bunch of 50 to 60 year old guys who have been joining that event ever since it inception.

It was so close, at one point-we were almost dead even, but eventually lost to 7 points in the end--stupid US election category, by the time the quizmaster was giving out questions relating to the 50's US political landscape (jfk succeeded what president this, vice president of nixon that)...we knew that you have to be at least breathing during that era to get the questions correct...and the eventual winners were probably already participating in balagtasans and zarsuellas in their local plazas when the events occured.

the turning point of the night was during the early rounds, wherein the question "what animal kills it victims by spraying a poison in its prey's eyes" came out during the animal category. "Its the spitting cobra!", miguel answered with half conviction and half silliness. We were laughing at his almost too good to be true bullshit response, but eventually we put it because we cannot come up with any good guesses anyways. the fucker turns out to have the correct answer all along,...we earnestly believe that we were the only ones who got it right, judging by the sighs and moans of frustrations from the other teams.

So, we won a bottle of cheap red wine for all out trouble, and we all decided to keep the bottle in the establishment so that we could all drink it for our attempt to finally win it all at the next quiz night. Last week was absoultely pathetic, but tonight was a revalation that we could actually beat this game--we figured it was easy to get in and not impossible to rise up...

thats what she said!

blister in the sun

the pimple invasion has begun..i first suspected that the cause of this is due to the added stress and increased irritation due to quitting smoking...but then i noticed that the extent of coverage is only visible on the right side of my face. I can imagine myself getting paid for an ad where they show a face split right in the middle with the effects of using brand x on the left side and brand y on the right side --obviously, brand x is the winner-go buy it now.

The acumulated dirt and other unwanted particles from the makati smog resulting to this disaster could be it --i refuse to accept that the time, effort and disposable income i have used to wash, clean, exfoliate, moisturized, sunblocked, anti-aged, eye-creamed, clay masked and cold masked my mug(and that doesnt include the weekly derma treatments) is all for naught . Friends who have seen the sheer selection of chemicals in the bathroom counter declare that its narcissism at its finest or that i need psychological help.

It also couldnt be from my pillowcases where i sleep with my whole face pressed smacked right into it nor it could be from the amount of ubitiquous bite sized chocolates courtesy of balikbayans from my side and spyders which i have been binging for the past few weeks--both of these instances should have rendered the whole face with random spots of atrocity.

I was talking to a friend over my cellfone and mentioned the facts i had presented above and with her powers of dedeuctive reasoning came up with the simplest conclusion. "Are you hearing my pretty voice over your right ear with your whole fone touching your face?"..."You are a genius" i uttered. simply amazed by the simple logic of it all

I am still on the fence whether or not i should get one of those bluetooth headsets that i simply loathe...there is nothing more annoying and self indulgent, than seeing someone with the stupid device on their ear while talking like they are the hi-tech shit. But in reality, the accessory reeks of a fashion disaster of epic proportions.-- but so are unwanted spots covering only one side of your visage.

sick of myself

To celebrate my one week smoking ban, i mustered myself to go to yoga after a 3month hiatus--now this musterisng took some time, The rule is i need to convince myself the day before that i need the detox and exercise and to stop second guessing myself that im going to pass out during the whole process, it also doesnt help that the guilt trip of conistently seeing my yoga instructor accidentally these past few weeks outside my building- and everytime that i do, she never fails to small talk me a constant barrage of sermoning on why i dont go anymore, i keep convincing her that ill go tomorrow--Finally that tomorrow has come.

The yoga session-all 1 1/2 hours of it--felt like i was in some kind of hell-my favorite re-imagining of hell was that of that scene in the old school darna movie which they constantly play on PPP(Piling Piling Pelikula-yeah i know u remember!) where she battles the devil and his minions on their own turf, and there is one sequence where one of the permanent residents had their tongue pulled out and the devil hammering it with a sledgehammer... It makes for an excellent brainwashing propoganda movie for evil children--here's the perfect justification on why you should always be on your best behaviour

Going back to the yoga. I knew that i was in a different state of mind--On a normal practice i would routinely scan and filter any cute girls in the room so that i could talk to them after the yoga, but on this day i was instead scanning around the room for ANYONE who may be able to administer me CPR instead in case i run out of breath, which seems to be at any minute.

I kept on grinding thru the different poses by chanting to self-help motivation one-liners to myself. i kept on thinking "whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger" whenever i feel i was going to give up... By the time i had the 2nd set of the triangle pose and decided to sit it out-heavy breathing and fainting psychosomatic issues included,i had already added something to the cliched line above to "whoever said that fucking line, must be dead by now"

But i still finished all the fucking poses like a good yoga practicioner should and came out of the room feeling like i accomplished the overrated impossibility, i felt renewed, refreshed and sensed that every drop of tobacco i accumulated ever since i got back to smoking, seeped thru my pores. The same yoga instructor then asked me when she can expect me to come back..i told her tomorrow. She then laughed hysterically and said, "ill see you in 3 months"

debaser

Yesterday...

I was itching to get some rock band action going , and with nobody around to play the other instruments--i solely grabbed the xbox mic with its corresponding mic stand, and performed with matching ferocity all of the songs in the pixies album. The whole act comes with imagining myself in a fully packed stadium with thousands of screaming fans chanting my name with the 'always happens in an 80s rock concert music video' random chick who throws her bra on you. But in reality i am singing in front of my cat who is just staring there in disbelief on how pathetic his flatmate is.

The consequences of being nicotine free for the past few days have been getting to me -i just feel so fucking restless...i had read a total of 4 books in 1 hour- well...the first few pages of each and every one...the focus to go past page 10 was not happening..i cant stop fantasizing of how fucking wonderful life would be, if in that very instant-im lighting a cigarette, inhaling it like it was the last breath im going to ever have and finally exhaling that breathtakingly beautiful smoke that had passed thru your toxic deprived lungs... must...stop...having..these...thoughts

i finally got to release a shipment of a friends friend at the airport customs yesterday. Basically, the guy owes our ultra-honest government 42k in duties, taxes and other charges for importing a large picture frame for his home. The brilliant customs examiner classified it as for business use and penalized the poor guy for not having an import permit. I exhausted all my powers of "diskarte" and negotiated it for "under the table" 28k just to have the damned article cleared. The government is now 42k poorer in lost potental revenue and the customs examiner can now buy all the saudi gold bling-bling he needs
...Welcome to my glamorous world

can i kick it

"its the fucking czech republic!" i said, trying to alter my teammates more intelligent answers on the question of which country borders austria, slovakia and a half dozen more european states-it turned out they were right, it was hungary the whole time. Its quiz night at murphy's and we had assembled a team of pop culture obssessed freaks, only to be bombarded with categories that we frustratingly come up with our best pretentious guesses.

Our team was named "thats what she said"...which judging by the name, smells of imminent failure. It seems like we were the only ones in the room who got in the joke.-for you non-office fans out there, its a reference from the main characters favorite punchline. If used in actual conversation from last night-it would go:

marcus: medyo malabnaw yan soup na yan
miguel: mas sanay ako sa mas malapot
everyone: thats what she said!

Our team consists of a cast of characters full of swagger but hasnt yet fully realized its potential on tapping it stocked knowledge of little known facts.

emil - who claims that he can answer a set of jeopardy questions every night, but wasnt really effective in a game where the answer wasnt in a form of a question
miguel - who at the beginning of the game, told everyone that it only takes me and him to win it all--we only got to correctly answer not more than 10 questions, most of which are answers that are pulled out of thin air
spyder - who was our best bet in the science and literature category but instead gave us the most unusual correct answers at the other sets.
rocky - who gets coming up with the correct guesses but later on second guesses himself in the end.
yen - who came up with that brilliant answer to the russian ballerina who died just recently, it was wide off the mark
marcus - who answered something a trekkie would only know, regretably there was only one star trek question
champ - who came in already wasted and then eventually drunk when he got in during the middle of the game, was staring into space-and doesnt really know what was going on.

There were around 8 teams who gets to show off their smarts by correctly answering 10 questions each for 10 categories, which includes among others general knowledge, literature and arts, entertainment history, geography, sports and trivia...during the first half of the game, we had scored not more than 5 points for each one.. and we had garnered a total of 21 measly points compared to our next competitor who had more than doubled our pathetic tally

In a stroke of pure genius, we chose entertainment as our joker category(we get double points)--and we were the only ones who got a perfect 10/10 in that category or at any category for that matter. We were gaining some steam- and we declared that the comeback was on..the comeback of saving a little pride and not being the bottom of the barrel- we were not just about ready to get humbled on our first participation in this quiz night.

We were consistently getting borderline decent scores in trivia, sports and animal categories-our last minute brilliant guess to the question "to whom did bette midler refer to when she said...A woman who pulled herself up by her bra straps" seems to be that single point that took us from bottom place to second worst in the competition...it was enough to maintan our swagger in next weeks game and still be convinced that we'll eventually come on top

...thats what she said!

the blues are still blue

Its day 2 of the nicotine free campaign on myself...and i must say that holding up pretty well-all things considered. First thing i did yesterday morning was to unconsciously grab my lighter and head out to the other room for a smoke, only to realize that i wasnt suppose to anymore--good thing i gave away all my cigarettes to our security guards the night before. I decided to chew on some gum instead.

I was a mess at the workplace that morning, every little bittle of annoyance was magnified to something epic. For instance, when i heard one of my employees singing to the tagalog version of rihanna's umbrella which goes something like "payong..payong..payong..eh eh eh..sa ilalim ng aking payong"- i told her in the most sarcastic tone ever produced, "wow, you should quit your job and be one of those singers who join every singing contest at their barangay". She laughed then later on got upset when she finally realized i was being an asshole.

So before i relegated myself to being the cliched cranky boss i decided to gett off much earlier than usual and went to see a movie all by my lonesome--which i always find a more satisying experience than the usual two person and more viewing norm. Before the movie started, i noticed that the couplea few seats away from me kept starting at me and mumbling some jibberish-probably thinking its wierd that im watching a movie by myself. I grabbed my fone and called a friend "hey, do you find it creepy and rude when strangers stare at you inside a moviehouse, some people really lack the proper breeding". Im sure that they heard what i said because right that instance, they finally stopped their shenanigans.

I havent done any considerable damage so far today, i think ill be fine

you're no rock and roll fun

10:30pm...this is hopefully going to be my last cigarette in this lifetime...in a few minutes, i will undergo the dreadful process of nicotine withdrawal...this is the 4th time i have attempted to quit since that innocent stick more than 10 years ago so i am fully aware that the next few weeks will be the most toughest and most grueling-i also have grown accustomed on the subtleties of the routine of bettering my chances not to get puffing again

so these next few weeks, there will be:

1. no coffee, because there is nothing more perfect in the world than combining caffeine and nicotine

2. no late night partying - late night plus interesting conversation plus alcohol divide by your temptation for a cancer stick equals lethal recipe for disaster

3. no mingling with people who smoke- they will only try to tell you that you're crazy for quitting plus they will just add insult to injury by puffing their second hand smoke on your face

4. no hanging out at specific spots at your home and workplace where u smoke - ok, that means everwhere, scratch that

5. no watching of movies and tv shows where the characters are chain smoking - no "mad men", "californication" and every scorsese and french movie in existence

6, no poker - there is nothing more frustrating than getting a bad beat by a donkey, and we all know where frustration leads to

7. no drama - self explanatory

8. no sex- also self explanatory

i am now preparing for the worst--short fused tempers, sleepless nights and emo-induced behaviors..with a bit of luck, ill be back to my old cigarette hating self. god help us all :)

ceremony

I was about to get some much needed slumber when i was enticed to share one last cigarette with someone on the other room, a little youtube action wouldnt hurt and we came upon this amazing radiohead cover of "ceremony". Took us 3 more playbacks before we decided to sleep it off--last song syndrome nonwithstanding.

My baby sister will be arriving from san francisco today and we all cant wait to see her- we all miss her to death! She is one of most sweetest, funniest and whimsical individuals u can ever meet and has amassed a vast knowledge of interesting pop culture references in her disposal, She is also the one among us kids who wasnt sucked into the folks master plan for her and instead got to do what she was really passionate about, despite the odds stacked against her. Years of being harrassed in culinary school, working on odd jobs with long hours for various michelin restaurants and suffering thru several cuts and bruises on her hands-she finally gets to stuff us again with home-made gourmet and gout inducing cuisine these next few weeks--you still owe us young one

The siblings are all meeeting at salcedo park for lunch--Its that saturday "organic" market that where item being sold is way overpriced and is packed with people that all smell like barbecue smoke. One of my friends had quipped "its that one special spot in makati, where you'd accidentaly see the person you'd most likely been trying to avoid all your life and be forced into small talk on what he/she has bought"...i ...can't ...wait

the distance

The reality show called "condo hunting with the turtle" has finally begun. She messaged me that morning to join her into looking during our lunch break at some 1 bedroom spaces on buildings that will be done by 2011. I am impressed, the girl has done her research--she brought in an envelope full of figures and computations on downpayments and monthly installments writton on different letterheads collected from her previous visits. We looked into this property near buendia and one in pasong tamo-the latter is right smack beside makati cinema square. The real estate agent kept on insisting that the pirated dvd haven will be torn down soon-"your kidding right?" i retorted, "that thing has been fully depreciated since i was in college, what made you think that theyll finally give that place some much needed euthanasia".

The turtle was very interested in this cute loft who has this power of making people's inhibition disappear-i thought "if i live here and someone asked me what my loft looks like, ill say--it looks like sex"... but she decided otherwise in the account of her dog having a slipped disc. I acted as a devils advocate by asking her if she's really sure about getting a space for her own. "Look, by the time this building will be completed, you'll be in your early 30s--these things are never an investment, you definitely have to move in but are u sure u wont be married by that time" She answered with the biggest smile "I have a friend who bought a condo as well years ago, by the time the building was done, she got hitched--chalk it up for a good luck charm"

... SOLD!

sound of settling

I finally get to spend some downtime last night at home...the continuous alcohol infused late nights has taken its toll...here i was, lying in the couch already almost anesthisized when upon aimlessly switching thru the channels i got stuck watching "japan screen topics"--its amazing that they still have this. Who can forget the blue screen background opening with the map of japan showing and the words in old school video toaster font and tranistions-while u eagerly anticipate which of the 30 episodes in their library will they air...will it be the always popular restaurant wax food on display, the hypnotizing art of origami or my all time favorite-monkeys of okinawa wandering in the hot spring.

I had managed to sleep for over 9 hours and its possible that i couldve had a few more, if not for the the spyder who had to wake up much earlier to go to work and had forgotten to close the door to the room-that gave the ideal opportunity for the cat who lately have been craving for perpetual attention to strategically sat on my face while she meows til i get to throw her off the bed.

i have forgotten to close my itunes on my pc last night and the most appropiate refrain was playing when i first checked my mail and do the website routine.

Our youth is fleeting
Old age is just around the bend
And I can't wait to go gray

and on that note, im ready to start the day...

train in vain

Fuck it...despite feeling like complete shit today, i decided to push thru with the night out with the yoga rockstar..the battleplan was to pick her up from the studio and go straight to this bar of her friend in pasig...6ish is what i replied when she messaged me on what time ill be there..i arrived at 650, its the range limit where an -ish with an hour is still acceptable

The rockstar looked great as always, and mentioned how she is all dressed up so nicely, she argued otherwise...i sarcastically uttered "any blouse with sequence on it is considered as dressing nicely in my book"

Got to the bar, met her friends, and ordered a bottle of wine which i swore that i wouldnt finish-but i still drank every drop nevertheless....first thing i did when i saw the menu was to earmark all the greasy food on the appetizer side and went into the process of systemetically ordering each one based on its heart attack level. our conversations went from from work to politics to 80s techno music and into of all things-our favorite porn stars...unfortunately my favorite was the same namesake of my date for that night.

Sleepyeyes was there as well..he was outside when i approached him, i asked how life was treating him and who's he dating now. It was my cleverly sheepish attempt to bait him in mentioning that we know someone in common and how he broke the poor heart of that same girl. he tried to justify the shit out of his ass, but i know better...

At around midnight, the rockstar and his friend asked me to ditch the bar with them and do some smokes at this guys place, i declined-telling them ive been done with that shit for years now. She said "but arent u going to boracay with us next month, dont tell me ur not going to smoke there".."but thats boracay, all bets are off when we get there" i declared. Besides, i need to get home and be early for this stupid meeting tom anyways.

I'm now nicotine heavy and still wondering if i shouldve got high instead--maybe that wouldve help me loosen up and stop thinking of the shitty day ive been thru...well there's always the blog to rant and wait for my thoughts to go numb...any minute now .

ruby tuesday

Feeling like absolute shit today. i was awaken by the neighbors music of the rolling stone's ruby tuesday on constant loop, i was convinced it was played to mock me. My whole self feels like its been subjected to an experiment on the limits of of the human body before achieving a self induce coma...the chain smoking, lack of sleep, alcohol, stress, the food binge then the lack of it is definitely taking its toll...to add to the barrage, the call at 4am, telling me that she was doing well after the operation, everything is going to be fine but that she can never forgive me for stopping to talk her...thats just perfect, you can now add overlying guilt to the equation.

Being the mid year and all, i checked my to-do list for 2008 and see if i can cross out something. out of the 10 things which includes among others: to do more yoga, to fly a kite and to stop being an asshole...i only accomplished one...learning to juggle..but only barely, if u can call making 6 throws and 6 catches before the whole act falls apart...my standards are that low

A client was on the phone the moment i arrived from the office-she kept on talking about our late deliveries and the letter of our request for rate increase...She seemed to get more irritated and annoyed every minute..i felt like she's going to turn into she hulk any time now. I, on the other line randomly responded using my deep vocabulary by acknowledging with "yes", "you're right" and "i get your point"--the whole phone conversation reminds me of one of those scenes in a mid 80s weekly tagalog afternoon tv drama wherein the spiritless actor is frustratingly ad-libbing his responses, on a measly attempt to pretend that there was an actual person on the phone prop.

During the 20 minute one sided discussion, I was already zoning out and daydreaming halfway thru it, of just lying in bed with a good book, completely relaxed, my body without a trace of nicotine and my neighbor with her speakers thrown out of the floor-thats what fantasies are for, they alow you to skip the degradation and head straight to an accomplished to do list.