kookiness during the nba draft..just barely

930pm. I was already drained when i got out of the elevator of my level and almost missed the yellow post-it stuck at my door. The purple ink says "bring up the nba draft video with you, i want to see what the fuss is about-kookie" I lied to her the morning before that watching the nba finals with her wasnt a fluke and that we should watch the nba draft together". to which she replied "whats an nba draft?". At that precise moment, i was already convinced that this was going to be classic.

I was by her living room by 30 minutes, and there she was, dressed up like she was going to a rock concert--torn jeans, vintage shirt and a purple scarf. You could tell that she was already utterly wasted judging by the open vodka in her coffee table and her droopy eyes. "Are you about to leave or did u just arrive from some event" I said. She slurred "I am neither here or there...I was about to go to my 15th year highschool reunion, then i decided otherwise, fuck them, who the fuck celebrates 15 years-its just another reason for them to brag about how pathetically happy they are..fuck it..nba draft..now..watch..fight".

" Are you sure you still want to watch, u seem really drunk". She stared at me and said "what part of fight didnt u understand". She didnt even notice that i pulled out my notepad and was preparing to jot down notes of anything peculiar or bizzare that comes out of her mouth (which happens always often). The poser rockstar is already in another universe.

tv host: blah blah team traded their 27th pick for blah blah team for cash
me: they never say how much cash they give out, how do you even compute that?
kookie: i dont understand what he just said
me: basically their giving up a player for money, it doesnt happen often, its usually a trade between two players
kookie: (laughs hysterically)
me: whats so funny
kookie: its like, you know in those movies where the kidnappers finally get to get their money in exhange for their kidnapee. These executives must be in some deserted road under a bridge and one says -im not giving up my pick unless i see the money!, and when other guy shows the bag with the cash in it, he instructs him to throw the money in the middle. Sorry, im so out of it

tv host: derrick rose is an excellent basketball player, he always draws out double penetrations
kookie(punches me in the arm): he said double penetration..hahahaha

me: are you even familiar of the draft process
kookie: yes sir
me: ok, who was 1st pick last year?
kookie: uhmmm, dwayne wade
me: it was greg oden
kookie: yeah thats right
me: ok first pick 2006?
kookie: lebron
me: wrong again, first pick 2005?
kookie: lebron
me: and at 2004?
koookie: lebron?
me: you're just going to say lebron the whole time arent you
kookie: i also said dwayne wade, i know my basketball dumbass

tv host: minnesota has the 3rd pick, so are they going small or going big
kookie(stands up and started cheering): go big! go big!
me: are u sure u know what ur doing
kookie: i have always said, when in doubt, size matters

-the italian basketball player who was just picked is being interviewed
kookie: he needs to speak better english
me: give him a break, im sure it was his first time in new york
kookie: i dated an italian once
me: and your point is?
kookie(stares at the bottle of beer in front of her)
me: im waiting for your answer
kookie: i forgot what u asked, or what we were discussing..is it something about size?

At this point of the draft, I was already convinced that i should leave and just let her enjoy the intoxicated state she is in. I got up and decided to raid her fridge first...she was already snoring when I asked her if i could borrow some milk for my cat, i nudged her head to pretend that she said yes. So i sneaked outside her apartment and left a post-it note on her forehead, it says

"lebron was drafted in 2003, hope u remember that in ur 20th year reunion...goodnight rockstar"